This first three months has been so incredibly full of experiences for me to learn from, it's amazing to find I'm about a quarter of the way through this internship. First I made it through two weeks of my supervisor being in another country. Of course, as is the way with things, I ended up finding out how to deal with the death of a congregant and do a funeral beginning three days after he left. It was a hard week, but I learned a lot about myself and the church, and I was able to walk with a family through that awful first week after someone you love dies. Honestly, it probably wouldn't work for everyone, but having my supervisor out of the country for two weeks in the second month of my internship was really good for me. I had to trust that I knew what I was doing, because I was the only one there doing it. I'm certainly not done, and I still have moments of fear that I'm not good enough, but that was certainly a good step in the right direction.
Dealing with my depression has been harder than I expected, but that was much more unreal expectations on my part than anything truly wrong with internship. There is a part of me that would really like to ignore my depression away, and that part of me gets the best of me on occasion. But I'm continuing to learn that my own illness isn't something I can just ignore, and that learning to deal with and manage it makes me a much better person and pastor. And I'm happy to say that I'm actually making progress. It'll take time, and depression is probably always going to be a part of me, but I am learning and growing, and internship is helping me along that way (along with a counselor, my antidepressants, and some fantastic yoga). And I am constantly learning (and if you're reading this you should too) that I am worth the care I give myself so that I'm not always on the brink of tears, especially in my work in ministry.
And despite all of this, I am also incredibly happy where I am. I love this church, and I love the work I do here. The people at this church are passionate about feeding people, so we do, in many ways. I have been getting to know the people here and I've learned almost all of their names. On the last weekend of each month I have the opportunity to lay hands on people whom I care about, offer them God's healing blessing, and mark the sign of the cross on their foreheads with oil. I do this with children and the elderly, and it is beautiful no matter what.
I've had a chance to preach four times, with my fifth coming up this weekend. I am joyful at the prospect of sharing the gospel with these people I've come to care about. I want to tell them that God loves them as often as I can, because I believe it's true (for you too: God loves you).
I work with the high school and confirmation youth every Wednesday night, and I've found I love it much more than I expected. Sometimes it's difficult, sometimes I wonder if we're getting through, but I'm helping these kids learn about the faith they have been raised in, and I've even seen one kid who wasn't raised in the faith decide it was for him and get baptized the week before he was confirmed.
Once a month, I gather with people from this church at a bar, have a beer, and talk a little bit about God with them. And we talk about our lives, what's going on, who we are. I love that I can gather with these people and enjoy time and beer with them. I truly love this work.
I haven't seen Silas in person since Labor Day weekend, which is awful, but in a little over a week we're going to meet in Kansas City, where we have some very good friends, and celebrate our fourth anniversary. It's amazing that we've made it through four years together of not being in the same city, two of those years of not even being in the same state or timezone. I'm glad that we're able to make it for a couple more years until we can perhaps live in the same place rather than different ones.
In a few minutes I'm off to have dinner with the leaders of the high school youth group. George will perhaps be annoyed with me for leaving again (he guards my shoes every morning), but it will be great to spend some time with people who are interested in our youth (many of whom don't have kids in the youth group themselves, they just want to help) and have some delicious food to boot.
I think it's going to be another good week.
May the peace of God be with you all.
