Monday, November 23, 2015

A New Way To Learn Gratitude

My third snowy winter truly began this past Friday, and this one got me. After spending all day Friday watching the snow, on Saturday I had things to do. I went to yoga, I got groceries, then it was time for me to head to church. On my way to my car, I slipped on the ice and landed on my arm. I hurt, but didn't think too much was wrong, so I went on with the evening. Unfortunately after icing it for a couple of hours at home, it had gotten to the point that I shrieked every time I moved my arm, so I could tell something more was wrong. So, I called a woman on my support committee for a ride to the hospital. Turns out, I've got my first broken bone: my left radial head - my elbow. So now I'm in a splint and a sling and I'm typing this one-handed.

Despite this rough weekend, especially to my elbow, I'm finding myself grateful. Maybe because it's almost Thanksgiving and we celebrated gratitude in church this weekend, so my mind is there, but I'm pretty happy about it.

I am grateful that I fell on my left arm instead of my right, so I still have a lot of ability to do things. For the smallness of the fracture that will hopefully heal quickly. For people I can call at 10 at night who will wait with me at the hospital until 1:30. For people thinking of what I may need before I can and offering help. For an opportunity to learn to receive help. For the ability to write and color since I can't knit or crochet. For a fiberglass splint that keeps my elbow still and free of pain. For bodies' amazing ability to heal themselves if we let them. For a cat who refuses to let a thing like a splint and sling get in the way of cuddles. For my situation moving me forward in my hopes for my sermon preparation and delivery. For a good reason to practice self-care by going to a salon and having someone shampoo my hair on a regular basis. I am grateful for these and so many other things.

It's been a good week.

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to worship with a congregation within the walls of a women;s prison. I love the fact that congregations like these exist, allowing people in prison to form their own communities, just like the ones we form and I work with. The women I met were kind, and deeply engaged in being the church. I was incredibly happy to have a chance to be with them, to share in prayers and communion with them.

Advent is beginning soon, it is a new church year. It's a Luke year (in the gospel readings) which makes me a bit nervous, because I find Luke a little difficult, but this will give me more ways to grow in this role. The church is blue and beautiful, it's time to decorate for Christmas (yes, I do that in my home during Advent) and I am very happy. Keep looking around this season, there are so many reasons to develop a grateful heart.

May God's peace be with you all.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Three Months of Internship

I'm three months into my internship, and I'm happy to say that at the moment my kitchen is clean and there is food for the week in my fridge. That didn't always happen last semester, so I'm managing to take decent care of myself here. 

This first three months has been so incredibly full of experiences for me to learn from, it's amazing to find I'm about a quarter of the way through this internship. First I made it through two weeks of my supervisor being in another country. Of course, as is the way with things, I ended up finding out how to deal with the death of a congregant and do a funeral beginning three days after he left. It was a hard week, but I learned a lot about myself and the church, and I was able to walk with a family through that awful first week after someone you love dies. Honestly, it probably wouldn't work for everyone, but having my supervisor out of the country for two weeks in the second month of my internship was really good for me. I had to trust that I knew what I was doing, because I was the only one there doing it. I'm certainly not done, and I still have moments of fear that I'm not good enough, but that was certainly a good step in the right direction.

Dealing with my depression has been harder than I expected, but that was much more unreal expectations on my part than anything truly wrong with internship. There is a part of me that would really like to ignore my depression away, and that part of me gets the best of me on occasion. But I'm continuing to learn that my own illness isn't something I can just ignore, and that learning to deal with and manage it makes me a much better person and pastor. And I'm happy to say that I'm actually making progress. It'll take time, and depression is probably always going to be a part of me, but I am learning and growing, and internship is helping me along that way (along with a counselor, my antidepressants, and some fantastic yoga). And I am constantly learning (and if you're reading this you should too) that I am worth the care I give myself so that I'm not always on the brink of tears, especially in my work in ministry.

And despite all of this, I am also incredibly happy where I am. I love this church, and I love the work I do here. The people at this church are passionate about feeding people, so we do, in many ways. I have been getting to know the people here and I've learned almost all of their names. On the last weekend of each month I have the opportunity to lay hands on people whom I care about, offer them God's healing blessing, and mark the sign of the cross on their foreheads with oil. I do this with children and the elderly, and it is beautiful no matter what. 

I've had a chance to preach four times, with my fifth coming up this weekend. I am joyful at the prospect of sharing the gospel with these people I've come to care about. I want to tell them that God loves them as often as I can, because I believe it's true (for you too: God loves you). 

I work with the high school and confirmation youth every Wednesday night, and I've found I love it much more than I expected. Sometimes it's difficult, sometimes I wonder if we're getting through, but I'm helping these kids learn about the faith they have been raised in, and I've even seen one kid who wasn't raised in the faith decide it was for him and get baptized the week before he was confirmed. 

Once a month, I gather with people from this church at a bar, have a beer, and talk a little bit about God with them. And we talk about our lives, what's going on, who we are. I love that I can gather with these people and enjoy time and beer with them. I truly love this work. 

I haven't seen Silas in person since Labor Day weekend, which is awful, but in a little over a week we're going to meet in Kansas City, where we have some very good friends, and celebrate our fourth anniversary. It's amazing that we've made it through four years together of not being in the same city, two of those years of not even being in the same state or timezone. I'm glad that we're able to make it for a couple more years until we can perhaps live in the same place rather than different ones. 

In a few minutes I'm off to have dinner with the leaders of the high school youth group. George will perhaps be annoyed with me for leaving again (he guards my shoes every morning), but it will be great to spend some time with people who are interested in our youth (many of whom don't have kids in the youth group themselves, they just want to help) and have some delicious food to boot. 

I think it's going to be another good week. 

May the peace of God be with you all.

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Rising Dough and Wine

So here it is, a Wednesday night, the only night I have in during this particular work week, and I'm waiting for bread dough to rise and drinking a glass of merlot. A perfect time to update my blog!

I can hardly believe I've already been here for a month. I've been settling in well, getting used to work, getting settled in my yoga studio, figuring out the best times to go to the grocery store in my new schedule, all sorts of things like that.

I preached my first sermon here a couple of weeks ago. At the Saturday night service I was wearing an alb, and I was a little warm, but once I was done preaching, I had been so anxious that I was literally dripping sweat off my nose. I took a moment to duck out of the sanctuary during the hymn right after the sermon and wipe off my face. My sermon was pretty good. At the beginning of the week I was writing it I was okay with it, then by the end of the week I hated it, but once I put it down for a day and practiced it on Saturday before worship I thought it might actually be something worth saying again. I can only hope that my preaching will improve now that I'll have a chance to practice so regularly.

This past weekend was a different experience all together, because Dan was gone for the weekend getting married. That meant that I was running the show and making sure things went smoothly during worship. We had a guest preacher, but I had the chance to give the announcements and lead worship. I find I'm getting more comfortable, and I always find that leading worship makes me feel such joy, so it's always something I look forward to.

I've begun visiting members of the congregation in their homes so that I can get to know them better. I know it's a good idea to get to know people I'll be working with over the year, but part of me is terrified every time I drive to a new person's house to spend an hour with them. They are all incredibly kind, and my first visit lasted twice as long as I had intended! Even though I'll probably be scared as I walk into each house in the next couple of months, I'm glad it's something I'm doing.

This week has been quiet at work, but I think that's because everything starts up next week. Starting next Wednesday I'll probably be at the church from 5 to 9 in the evening. Just like I grew up doing. It'll be busy, but it will be good too. I'll get to sing Holden Evening Prayer every week and I'll get a chance to teach confirmation and high school, two places I think I have a lot of learning to do. My first lesson for the confirmation class in a few weeks is "Is the Bible True?" Should be a great way to get started.

A couple of weeks ago I went to the Iowa state fair. I ate food on a stick - my favorite being a peanut butter ice cream sandwich covered in chocolate on a stick - and I had deep fried cheese curds, which seemed appropriately Midwestern. It was a great day, especially because I got to meet several baby animals and several larger ones. It was great, and we walked five miles! I was certainly tired the day after that.

I've also been getting more involved in the yoga studio across the street from me. I love it there, because it has a very personal feel. The owner teaches most of the classes I take and she learned my name after my first visit. I've taken a couple of private lessons with her, and they have been amazing, because I get to know my body so well. I've been playing around with backbends, because they can be really helpful for lifting the spirits when I'm dealing with depression. They won't ever replace my antidepressants, but they're a wonderful addition, and they make me feel great joy. It's amazing, now that I'm working at a regular job, rather than being a student, I actually have time to work out in a way that I haven't before, I think I'll manage to exercise four times this week!

The best news is that this weekend is Labor Day weekend, and Silas is coming up for a visit! We have plans to cook dinner for a friend who lives in town, to go try out a corn maze, and of course I'll bring him to church where all the wonderful church ladies can fawn over him. I'm so excited to have him come, I've been missing him since I moved up here. It's going to be a good Labor Day weekend.

I have more I could share, but my bread is just about done rising, and this is already pretty long, so there will be more soon!

May the peace of God be with you all.

Monday, August 10, 2015

One Week In

So I've been working for a week now, I've been to several services, meetings, lunches, and even a wedding. Every day last week I walked into work fairly certain that I had absolutely nothing to do, but I found myself keeping busy and learning new things.

I am not yet entirely settled into my new apartment, because I took my time last week getting over my cold. That means this week hopefully I'll actually manage to make my apartment look presentable to me, much less anyone else with higher standards than I have. For now, I'm using a box as a footstool, and I keep pulling things I need out of boxes and bags as I need them.

At the church I'm getting to know people well. I have always said I'm terrible with names, but I've been actually practicing this time, and I'm surprised to say that it's going well. I'm still learning a lot about the church and finding my place, but I'm beginning to feel settled too. I am working on my first sermon (which is two weeks away, of course) and I'm exciting about getting a chance to preach at St. Stephen soon.

This weekend, I attended a wedding rehearsal and ceremony so I could learn about the pastor's role in a wedding. It was really nice to attend, even though I didn't know the couple. It's nice to see a couple so happy to be getting married. I got to work with our wedding coordinator at the service, and get an idea of how the behind the scenes things work.

Today, I was finally feeling well enough to get back to working out, so I decided to check out the yoga studio that is conveniently located directly across the street from my apartment complex. I went in for a class, and it was fantastic. The class was made up of people of all ages, sizes, strength, and flexibility. The teacher was great at emphasizing that we all do what was best for our bodies, an attitude important in yoga practice, but not always seen in classes. I'm definitely going to keep going, because it felt so good to get back on my mat again.

I'm also finally settled in to my kitchen at least, so I could actually do some proper cooking. I brought a few cookbooks with me to Iowa, and tonight I made a bean and potato hash as well as homemade granola for breakfast in the mornings. Having a kitchen and George insisting on cuddles makes me feel pretty much at home, and I think it's going to be good here this year.

Monday, August 3, 2015

Beginning of Internship

So here I am in the middle of my first day of internship. I'm home now because I have committee meetings to attend tonight, so I left the office a couple of hours early to make up the time.

I moved up here to Iowa last Thursday. It was a long drive, so when we arrived it was good to be able to see my apartment right away. The drive was full of every single emotion coursing through me at different times, so I am very thankful for my mom sitting next to me and being able to roll with the series of emotions and make me feel better no matter what. We got in and met with a member of my internship committee who gave me the keys to my apartment. George was glad to be settled again too. We went out to a very nice dinner at a local place, and then we all crashed because of the long drive. The first night in a new place is always a little lonely, but I had a nice phone call with Silas and George insisted on curling up with me every opportunity he could.

On Friday my parents and I spent the day running moving-in errands and exploring Urbandale. We had a great lunch and I started really being able to settle in. My parents left to head back towards Texas on Saturday and I continued unpacking. Unfortunately the unpacking is going slower than I'd like, because I managed to develop a cold as I got up here. I'm drinking lots of tea and taking rests when I need to, and my apartment will be fully unpacked eventually.

Yesterday I went to church for the first time at my new internship church. I was nervous on my way there, but I'm really glad I went. On my way in a couple noticed that I had come in a car with Ohio plates and asked if I was their new intern. They were very sweet and welcoming. I snuck into the back of the sanctuary and read over the bulletin before the service started. My supervisor Dan knew I was there, but when he made an announcement about me starting today, he didn't point me out, which was nice because it gave me a chance to ease into getting to know everybody. The service was great, and I left it pleased that I will be working with this church over the next year. A few people recognized me as the new intern and I met several folk during the coffee hour. The whole morning was really pleasant and I think it'll be good to be the intern there.

Today was my first day in the office. I was again really nervous on my way in, but it was actually a really good day. Dan and I went over a lot of basic things to get started on my internship and began to get settled into my office. It feel weird to not start out with a syllabus and books that I know I'm going to go through, but I think I'll like being an intern pastor here. Tonight I'll head back to the church to attend committee meetings, and get to know a bunch more people. And then I'll keep practicing names of all of these people so hopefully I can learn them well. I'll be overwhelmed for the first few weeks (I've been told to expect that) but I can't wait to get on my feet at the church and get to start really learning what it's like to be a pastor.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Break Time!

I am finally on my two week break for the semester! It has been a full few weeks leading up to it, and I'm glad for the rest. I am currently in a hotel in Jackson TN in the middle of my journey back home. I'll get home tomorrow and spend a few days with my family, and then I'll be spending a bit of time with Silas next weekend too. I'm really looking forward to not being at school and not having much schoolwork to do for just a few weeks.

A week ago I received my tentative internship assignment for next year. I am very pleased with the placement, but I'm not going to say anything publicly until I hear from my supervisor and know that he has ratified the placement as well. I'm really excited about internship now, especially now that I can begin picturing the church that I'll be working in. I'm also definitely looking forward to the experience of having a full-time job that isn't being a student! That's basically all I've done for my life, and I'm excited about getting a chance to do the work I'm learning to do for a whole year.

The past two weeks of school have been a rush to the first finish of the semester! Last week I realized on Monday that I had something due every day but Wednesday and I hadn't done any of them yet! Monday it was a presentation on feminist ecclesiology, Tuesday a presentation on Psalm 27, Thursday a sentence flow/diagram of a passage from 1 Thessalonians, and Friday an 8 page paper on my understanding of ecclesiology. I got it all done, and that Friday at noon when I turned in the last paper was a relief! This week I only had one paper due, but I was also working on getting my apartment properly cleaned and getting ready to leave for two weeks.

Now that I'm looking more seriously at my move at the end of May, I also began to look at what things I don't need in my apartment to move. I took four reusable grocery bags of books to Half Price Books last week and exchanged them for four cookbooks that I'll actually use. I need to continue paring down, and then deciding what I'll take with me to internship and what I'll put into storage, so that's going to be a continuing project over the next half of the semester.

These two weeks, though I'm going to put all of that out of mind and spend some of my free time reading for fun and some of it working on a sweater I'm knitting for Silas that I may finish by the time I graduate from seminary! I have very little time to work on my crafting projects while I'm in school, so it's nice to have a chance to play with wool again.

For now, George and I are all settled in for the night, looking forward to another long drive tomorrow. I can hardly wait to be home again.

Peace be with you all.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

A Full Week

Whew, it has been a thoroughly busy week, and it's taken me most of the weekend just to recover from it. This week when I feel asleep in my classes, I actually had a decent reason for it!

This past week was my i-group's worship week, which somehow made me feel more involved in worship than I am as a sacristan. My i-group planned and executed four worship services, including one with a great litany and one that took place outdoors! It was certainly cold, but everything went off fairly well. If that had been all taking up my time then it would have been a nice enough week.

But instead, I also went through ten interviews with potential internship supervisors and an hour and a half of mingling with those same supervisors in a meet and greet. Spending that much time extraverting and being anxious about the results of these conversations pretty much wiped me out entirely.

As tiring as they were, the interviews were also very interesting. Counting one that took place a week earlier, I interviewed with eleven different potential supervisors. I found myself continually surprised in the conversations and I think I learned quite a bit about myself and my pastoral identity through them. I also definitely formed preferences for where I end up spending my next year, but I will wait to share until I find out where that will be in a couple of weeks. Waiting to find out is going to be a pretty difficult experience in itself! I'm anxious to begin to make plans for moving and thinking about where I'm going to be.

Alongside spending all of my time executing worship and interviewing with supervisors I actually had my normal week of classes and work! I can't believe how far I've gotten into the semester already. I'm enjoying all of my classes, and I find myself really looking forward to each of them. They are all quite different. New Testament requires the most intellectual work, which I find enjoyable, Church and Sacraments is full of interesting discussions of theology of the church, Preaching is full of similarly fascinating discussions about how one actually goes about interpreting the Bible for a congregation, Psalms is an interesting exploration of different types of psalms every day, and Care of Souls reminds me and teaches me about relational ministry. Then for fun I go speak a little Spanish every now and again. I'm also using the Spanish translation of the Harry Potter series as my fun reading when I need a break. I like keeping up my skills with something I find enjoyable like Harry Potter.

So, I'm definitely keeping busy. This week will be a little easier, because another i-group is in charge of worship, which means that I will actually have less than normal to do. It's snowing like crazy outside today, so I'm staying in for the day, which may mean a very early morning grocery run for me tomorrow.

In the hope that Spring will come soon,
Kathryn