Three Months of Internship

I'm three months into my internship, and I'm happy to say that at the moment my kitchen is clean and there is food for the week in my fridge. That didn't always happen last semester, so I'm managing to take decent care of myself here. 

This first three months has been so incredibly full of experiences for me to learn from, it's amazing to find I'm about a quarter of the way through this internship. First I made it through two weeks of my supervisor being in another country. Of course, as is the way with things, I ended up finding out how to deal with the death of a congregant and do a funeral beginning three days after he left. It was a hard week, but I learned a lot about myself and the church, and I was able to walk with a family through that awful first week after someone you love dies. Honestly, it probably wouldn't work for everyone, but having my supervisor out of the country for two weeks in the second month of my internship was really good for me. I had to trust that I knew what I was doing, because I was the only one there doing it. I'm certainly not done, and I still have moments of fear that I'm not good enough, but that was certainly a good step in the right direction.

Dealing with my depression has been harder than I expected, but that was much more unreal expectations on my part than anything truly wrong with internship. There is a part of me that would really like to ignore my depression away, and that part of me gets the best of me on occasion. But I'm continuing to learn that my own illness isn't something I can just ignore, and that learning to deal with and manage it makes me a much better person and pastor. And I'm happy to say that I'm actually making progress. It'll take time, and depression is probably always going to be a part of me, but I am learning and growing, and internship is helping me along that way (along with a counselor, my antidepressants, and some fantastic yoga). And I am constantly learning (and if you're reading this you should too) that I am worth the care I give myself so that I'm not always on the brink of tears, especially in my work in ministry.

And despite all of this, I am also incredibly happy where I am. I love this church, and I love the work I do here. The people at this church are passionate about feeding people, so we do, in many ways. I have been getting to know the people here and I've learned almost all of their names. On the last weekend of each month I have the opportunity to lay hands on people whom I care about, offer them God's healing blessing, and mark the sign of the cross on their foreheads with oil. I do this with children and the elderly, and it is beautiful no matter what. 

I've had a chance to preach four times, with my fifth coming up this weekend. I am joyful at the prospect of sharing the gospel with these people I've come to care about. I want to tell them that God loves them as often as I can, because I believe it's true (for you too: God loves you). 

I work with the high school and confirmation youth every Wednesday night, and I've found I love it much more than I expected. Sometimes it's difficult, sometimes I wonder if we're getting through, but I'm helping these kids learn about the faith they have been raised in, and I've even seen one kid who wasn't raised in the faith decide it was for him and get baptized the week before he was confirmed. 

Once a month, I gather with people from this church at a bar, have a beer, and talk a little bit about God with them. And we talk about our lives, what's going on, who we are. I love that I can gather with these people and enjoy time and beer with them. I truly love this work. 

I haven't seen Silas in person since Labor Day weekend, which is awful, but in a little over a week we're going to meet in Kansas City, where we have some very good friends, and celebrate our fourth anniversary. It's amazing that we've made it through four years together of not being in the same city, two of those years of not even being in the same state or timezone. I'm glad that we're able to make it for a couple more years until we can perhaps live in the same place rather than different ones. 

In a few minutes I'm off to have dinner with the leaders of the high school youth group. George will perhaps be annoyed with me for leaving again (he guards my shoes every morning), but it will be great to spend some time with people who are interested in our youth (many of whom don't have kids in the youth group themselves, they just want to help) and have some delicious food to boot. 

I think it's going to be another good week. 

May the peace of God be with you all.

Rising Dough and Wine

So here it is, a Wednesday night, the only night I have in during this particular work week, and I'm waiting for bread dough to rise and drinking a glass of merlot. A perfect time to update my blog!

I can hardly believe I've already been here for a month. I've been settling in well, getting used to work, getting settled in my yoga studio, figuring out the best times to go to the grocery store in my new schedule, all sorts of things like that.

I preached my first sermon here a couple of weeks ago. At the Saturday night service I was wearing an alb, and I was a little warm, but once I was done preaching, I had been so anxious that I was literally dripping sweat off my nose. I took a moment to duck out of the sanctuary during the hymn right after the sermon and wipe off my face. My sermon was pretty good. At the beginning of the week I was writing it I was okay with it, then by the end of the week I hated it, but once I put it down for a day and practiced it on Saturday before worship I thought it might actually be something worth saying again. I can only hope that my preaching will improve now that I'll have a chance to practice so regularly.

This past weekend was a different experience all together, because Dan was gone for the weekend getting married. That meant that I was running the show and making sure things went smoothly during worship. We had a guest preacher, but I had the chance to give the announcements and lead worship. I find I'm getting more comfortable, and I always find that leading worship makes me feel such joy, so it's always something I look forward to.

I've begun visiting members of the congregation in their homes so that I can get to know them better. I know it's a good idea to get to know people I'll be working with over the year, but part of me is terrified every time I drive to a new person's house to spend an hour with them. They are all incredibly kind, and my first visit lasted twice as long as I had intended! Even though I'll probably be scared as I walk into each house in the next couple of months, I'm glad it's something I'm doing.

This week has been quiet at work, but I think that's because everything starts up next week. Starting next Wednesday I'll probably be at the church from 5 to 9 in the evening. Just like I grew up doing. It'll be busy, but it will be good too. I'll get to sing Holden Evening Prayer every week and I'll get a chance to teach confirmation and high school, two places I think I have a lot of learning to do. My first lesson for the confirmation class in a few weeks is "Is the Bible True?" Should be a great way to get started.

A couple of weeks ago I went to the Iowa state fair. I ate food on a stick - my favorite being a peanut butter ice cream sandwich covered in chocolate on a stick - and I had deep fried cheese curds, which seemed appropriately Midwestern. It was a great day, especially because I got to meet several baby animals and several larger ones. It was great, and we walked five miles! I was certainly tired the day after that.

I've also been getting more involved in the yoga studio across the street from me. I love it there, because it has a very personal feel. The owner teaches most of the classes I take and she learned my name after my first visit. I've taken a couple of private lessons with her, and they have been amazing, because I get to know my body so well. I've been playing around with backbends, because they can be really helpful for lifting the spirits when I'm dealing with depression. They won't ever replace my antidepressants, but they're a wonderful addition, and they make me feel great joy. It's amazing, now that I'm working at a regular job, rather than being a student, I actually have time to work out in a way that I haven't before, I think I'll manage to exercise four times this week!

The best news is that this weekend is Labor Day weekend, and Silas is coming up for a visit! We have plans to cook dinner for a friend who lives in town, to go try out a corn maze, and of course I'll bring him to church where all the wonderful church ladies can fawn over him. I'm so excited to have him come, I've been missing him since I moved up here. It's going to be a good Labor Day weekend.

I have more I could share, but my bread is just about done rising, and this is already pretty long, so there will be more soon!

May the peace of God be with you all.

Break Time!

I am finally on my two week break for the semester! It has been a full few weeks leading up to it, and I'm glad for the rest. I am currently in a hotel in Jackson TN in the middle of my journey back home. I'll get home tomorrow and spend a few days with my family, and then I'll be spending a bit of time with Silas next weekend too. I'm really looking forward to not being at school and not having much schoolwork to do for just a few weeks.

A week ago I received my tentative internship assignment for next year. I am very pleased with the placement, but I'm not going to say anything publicly until I hear from my supervisor and know that he has ratified the placement as well. I'm really excited about internship now, especially now that I can begin picturing the church that I'll be working in. I'm also definitely looking forward to the experience of having a full-time job that isn't being a student! That's basically all I've done for my life, and I'm excited about getting a chance to do the work I'm learning to do for a whole year.

The past two weeks of school have been a rush to the first finish of the semester! Last week I realized on Monday that I had something due every day but Wednesday and I hadn't done any of them yet! Monday it was a presentation on feminist ecclesiology, Tuesday a presentation on Psalm 27, Thursday a sentence flow/diagram of a passage from 1 Thessalonians, and Friday an 8 page paper on my understanding of ecclesiology. I got it all done, and that Friday at noon when I turned in the last paper was a relief! This week I only had one paper due, but I was also working on getting my apartment properly cleaned and getting ready to leave for two weeks.

Now that I'm looking more seriously at my move at the end of May, I also began to look at what things I don't need in my apartment to move. I took four reusable grocery bags of books to Half Price Books last week and exchanged them for four cookbooks that I'll actually use. I need to continue paring down, and then deciding what I'll take with me to internship and what I'll put into storage, so that's going to be a continuing project over the next half of the semester.

These two weeks, though I'm going to put all of that out of mind and spend some of my free time reading for fun and some of it working on a sweater I'm knitting for Silas that I may finish by the time I graduate from seminary! I have very little time to work on my crafting projects while I'm in school, so it's nice to have a chance to play with wool again.

For now, George and I are all settled in for the night, looking forward to another long drive tomorrow. I can hardly wait to be home again.

Peace be with you all.

Reading and the Cold

So I may or may not be writing this to put off reading for school just a little bit longer. However, that reading will get done in plenty of time too - it is Friday after all!

It has been a good past couple of weeks. And about half the time I even don't feel incredibly behind. Two weeks ago I did preach my first sermon at a church that wasn't my home church, and I preached it three times in a row! That was a decidedly interesting experience, because the sermon changed somewhat form time to time, and I'm pretty sure the people who came to the late service got the best rendition. After my full day I came home and ended up passing out until evening. 

That evening, a couple of my friends who graduated from Trinity last year, Russ and Sarah, came into town, so I was pleased that I was able to wake up from my long nap in time to go to dinner with them. I got to spend time with them on Monday night too, and it was great to see them again and catch up with everything going on in their lives beyond seminary. 

I finally attended my final first class, which was Church and Sacraments. It is a systematic theology option, where I'll learn both about what it means to be the church, and what we believe about the sacraments. We only meet once a week, which means I have a lot of reading to do in between every week, but I love the class already, and I'm excited to see what comes of it. My week after that went quite smoothly, getting into the swing of my classes, and trying to sort out exactly how much time I'm going to have to spend reading every day (it's a lot).

Then this past weekend, Silas came into town to visit and celebrate valentines day with me! Of course a wicked winter decided to join him, which was a bit of a shame. I drove in near white-out conditions to pick him up from the airport, which is an experience I'd be okay never having again in my life. Saturday night we went out for a lovely dinner and all was well until I slipped and fell in the skating rink that was the parking lot on our way back to my car. I wasn't hurt badly, so it was mostly comical, especially when I nearly brought Silas down with me while he was trying to help me up! 

Sunday we spent most of the day cooking proper Texas chili to share with my friends from the north who don't understand why I'm always a little disappointed when I try chili here. We made it with ancho chilies, dark beer, stew beef, and bacon, and it turned out amazingly. When I tried it, I kissed Silas and told him I loved him even more than I had before. We had a great dinner and evening with my friends, and it was lovely to eat something so warm when it was so cold outside. 

On Monday we did venture out a bit, but the cold kept us from taking any long walks. That day it snowed more, so after going to see a movie, Silas introduced me to snow ice cream, which is something I had never heard of before. It was a fun thing to do with all the snow we were getting. 

My weekend with Silas was absolutely wonderful, and during his visit I had another interesting experience. There was one internship supervisor in town early this week, and I had not intended on interviewing with him. However, he read my information and asked to have a meeting with me. We talked for an hour and I found I was really pleasantly surprised by the supervisor and the church. It's now a place that I think I might be happy at for internship and that I'm keeping in mind. All of the rest of the interviews will take place this next week, and I have nine more to go! I'm really excited about the whole process and excited and anxious about where God will send me. 

This week I also got to spend some time babysitting an infant for the first time, and it was her first time having a babysitter! We had a good time together, and it's nice to take a break from school to spend time with a baby every once and awhile. I did read her a few psalms out loud, which she seemed to enjoy. Being the daughter of two pastors to be, I'm sure she'll be hearing things like that plenty. 

Finally, this morning I had my first ever experience with a dead car battery. Luckily, my entire apartment complex is full of people I know, so I was able to get a jump and my car came right back to life. You know it's too cold out when the cold is draining your car battery! I'm planning on staying inside as much as possible until it warms up again! 

This weekend my plan is to spend my time reading and working on a text critical study and translation of the Bible passage I'm working on in New Testament. I think this semester is going to keep me plenty busy! I still love all my classes though, and I think I'm getting quite good at reading quickly, so that I understand enough without having to take in every word deeply. It's the only way to get through. 

Now off to read Who is the Church? and a book about Hermenutics!

Peace be with you all. 

The Start of a New Semester

So here I go again, a brand new semester, and I am going to make an effort to write here more often. I actually really miss it. Since I last wrote, I've done Christmas and New Years at home, come back to Ohio, taken a class on Emotional Intelligence, and jumped both feet in to this semester of classes and work.

Christmas was wonderful, full of time with friends and loved ones, and I enjoyed every minute of it. I got to reconnect with a few of my friends in Texas, Kevin and Amy were able to come up for Christmas and stay for three whole days, and Silas visited for New Years, and we made our regular New Years date at Fearings in Dallas.

I drove back with my Mom and George, both of whom make great travel companions. Other than getting stressed out by the rain and the dark the first night and stopping early, the drive was nice, and it was lovely to have Mom along to keep me company. George was glad to be back in his apartment where no other animals live.

I spent three weeks in a class on emotional intelligence, which was fascinating, but exhausting. It was a class where we spent a lot of time learning about ourselves and how we lead. I learned a lot about myself, but it was also a lot like counseling for three hours a day every day. I ended up taking several long naps over my J-term.

I also spent that time being the J-term sacristan, which was a nice way to ease back into my job. We had worship services each day, but they were very simple, and a lot of wonderful people helped to create and lead the worships. I still love planning and executing worship in any form, so doing it in this smaller way was lovely.

Then after a week off, I jumped into the semester full swing. It's almost hard to believe that I have only had two days of my regular spring classes. We began with a communion service, which I loved getting ready. There's something about the happy chaos of getting a large service set up and running that just makes me feel in my element. Read into that about me what you will. Then my I-group began planning our own week of worship services for the end of the month. Then I took a mile and a half walk with a couple of friends, ate lunch while I played fetch with George, and finally went to my first class.

I began my semester with a class called Hermenutics for Preaching, which I am excited to be in. We're learning about how a preacher goes about reading the Bible and telling a congregation how it applies to them today. Seems like an easy question, but it's deeper than it appears, and I think I'm going to learn a lot in that class.

Thursday introduced me to four more of my classes. Care of Souls will help me dive into pastoral care, something that is really important to my forming pastoral identity. Once again, there is so much I can learn from there. Then I went to New Testament 2, covering the New Testament after Acts, and it's going to be a tough class, but I think worthwhile. And the professor is fantastic. Next was Psalms, which I think will be fascinating. I have always loved the Psalms, but I think this class will help me to really engage with the poetry of them and be able to use them more in my future work. I finished the evening with Spanish. I'm excited to be back in Spanish this semester, and I'll be taking Spanish three.

Speaking of speaking languages I don't know well. This Monday, we're putting on our first Spanish/English bilingual morning prayer service, and I've been asked to be the Spanish leader! Apparently some people think I have a decent enough grasp of the language to read and lead at the same time.

Then comes this weekend (I know, half this blog is covering four days). Yesterday I spent a day doing worship planning and getting prepared for interviewing with internship supervisors. Oh yeah, in just over a month I should know where I'm going to be spending my next year. On the subject of internship I oscillate between terrified and excited, so I'm reading the applications from all the churches and being as organized as I can in an effort to remain more often on the excited side of things. I meet with supervisors at the end of the month, and I'm really looking forward to getting a chance to actually talk with the pastors and get a feel for them.

Then today I began my day teaching children about the fifth and sixth commandments of the big ten. You shall not murder and you shall not commit adultery. People say that you really know a subject when you can teach it to a child, and I have to say I definitely spent more time than before thinking on these two and how it might be best to teach them to 11 and 12 year olds. This was confirmation, and the class actually went really well, despite several giggles that ensued. I spent the afternoon getting ready for church tomorrow, which is going to be a bit more complex than normal. Tomorrow is the first time that I will preach the same sermon at three different services, so obviously I had to write a sermon, and because one of the pastors is out of town, I'll be doing everything for one of the services. One nice thing is that our motto there is basically "if you make mistakes, it's okay, worship will still happen and God still loves you"

Well, that's probably enough of an update for now. Thanks if you've stuck with my through this whole post! I'll keep you up to date about all I'm learning and doing, and next week I'll even tell you about one more class I'm enrolled in that doesn't meet until Monday!

Peace be with you all.

Advent Time!

It looks like my blog is becoming more monthly than weekly! Maybe next semester I'll be able to balance my time a bit differently, but I certainly have been busy!

My semester is winding down to a close now, with just three more classes for me to attend and three more papers and one more sermon for me to finish! It's been a crazy busy semester, but it has been wonderful.

It's the advent season now, which I absolutely love! I love moving into blue instead of green, and I love getting ready for Christmas. It's cold up here, and this whole season just makes me incredibly happy. I'll be driving back to Texas next week, and it probably won't be cold enough for my taste, but I'm really looking forward to being home and getting started on all our family Christmas traditions, which I insist on every year. I'm looking forward to a chance to preach again at Abiding Grace, and I'm looking forward to both Kevin and Amy coming in for Christmas day. It'll be great to have a bunch of people home and then to help cook Christmas dinner. Silas will come down before Christmas for a weekend and then will come in for New Years, like he always does, and it'll be wonderful to see him so much this month.

As I finish one semester here, I'm already thinking about next semester and next year! I am looking forward to all of my classes next semester, and I've already begun the process leading to internship. I had my pre-internship meeting this morning, and I am so excited about my prospects for next year. I can hardly wait until I actually know where I'm going to be spending the year.

Thanksgiving this year was great, although a pretty full week. I got home the Thursday before Thanksgiving, and my family from Birmingham came in the day after. Then the next day I ran up to Oklahoma City to spend some time with Silas, and we went to Stillwater to see a friend in The Messiah and spend some time in the town where we met. It was an absolutely wonderful weekend. Then my parents, grandma, and I went down to Austin to see Kevin and Amy and had a wonderful Thanksgiving day. Plenty of food and plenty of time to spend together. Then I left for Columbus at 3:30 on Tuesday morning, so I could make my 5am flight out of town. It was a long travel day, but I got back in time for meetings and classes. Now I have less than a week here to finish up before I drive home next Wednesday! Crazy busy end of the semester.

I have so many craft projects in the works for Chrsitmas presents and just because I want to get a few things finished, so I actually plan on spending most of Saturday at my sewing machiene. I love finding time to make things in my busy schedule, and I love having something I've finished that I can use or give to someone else to use.

For now, I'm off to the famous (at least here) Common Meal, and then off to maybe actually get my apartment to a state that I wouldn't mind showing to others!

Peace be with you all this Advent season.

Break, Reformation, and All Saints, Oh My!

So it's been quite awhile since I wrote, hasn't it? Well, such is life middler year, I've been busier than I have been in awhile.

The first piece of news since my last post is that I am recommended to be endorsed for candidacy! My endorsement interview went really well, and just as soon as the candidacy committee makes it official in December I will be done with the next step toward being a pastor. It was really wonderful to have Cheryl, my candidacy contact up here for the day of my endorsement, and I was able to how her around my neighborhood a bit around the interview. Which means we went for Jeni's ice cream.

The day after my endorsement interview I gave George to petsmart for the week and left for Oklahoma. It was wonderful to truly take that time off, and on one of the days that Silas was at work and I was just hanging around, I took a three hour nap. We spent a day at the zoo and went kayaking, and we celebrated our third year anniversary. It was really fantastic to be together on our anniversary - we weren't last year - and to spend some quality time together. Times like that make the long-distance go easier. Eventually, I had to head back to Ohio, though.

I got back late on a Monday night, and somehow that meant my entire week basically slammed me in the face. I made it through though, and then it was time for Reformation week! I love Reformation week and All Saints, and we pulled out the stops here at Trinity. We had red hanging all over the place, and I got to sing the Lutheran fight song a couple of times. Then this All Saints week has been really powerful for me in worship, because I have a lot of people I am remembering this year. Today in worship, we had a chance to light a candle around a cross, and I was able to sit and pray and remember those I love who are with God now. When I'm busy planning and executing worship, it is nice to find those times to truly be present in the worship itself.

Aside from worship, I have been busy in my classes. We've covered Chrsitology in Systematics and moved well into the Holy Spirit and the Church. I can hardly believe how fast it's going. In my Lutheran Confessions class, I just wrote a Reformation day sermon, a week after Reformation day. Hopefully I can use it, or part of it in the future. And in my preaching class, I have given two sermons and have three still to write. They're going well, and as difficult as it can be to listen to myself and annotate my own sermons, it's teaching me a lot about how I preach and how I talk. For instance, I discovered I use my hands a lot when I talk! In a couple of weeks I will be preaching the second sermon I wrote for class at All Saints, which both exciting and terrifying.

Life continues to be pretty much school and work at All Saints, and I do love it, but I wouldn't want to do this forever. It kind of feels like, between school, being sacristan, and working at All Saints, that I am working a job and a half. I've been really tired a lot of this semester, which is not terribly different from the past two years, but it's getting more noticeable and more problematic. I am finally going to go see a psychiatrist to see if adjusting my antidepressants will help with my energy. I'm sure my professors would enjoy me not struggling to stay awake in most of my classes. One thing I am continuing to learn is how to care for myself, as my endorsement interview reminded me. I'll keep practicing, though.

Right now, I have the seminary cold that has been going around for a couple of weeks, but thankfully I have no classes or meetings tomorrow, so I will be able to spend the whole day in bed getting better. I'm sure George will be glad too, as several of my days this week have been extra long, meaning he has not had his required pets. I can't believe how close Thanksgiving and Christmas are getting, but I am looking forward to being able to spend the holidays back home, and to see my family and Silas again.

I'll try to write more frequently, but I can't promise anything - this has been on my to-do list all week! I hope everyone reading this is well.

Midterms!

So as of today, I am offially halfway through this semester. The time has really flown, but it always seems to when I'm in school.

This last week was crazy, as I had a paper of some sort due in each of my classes. It ended up being the kind of week where I finished everything on the day it was due, which is not my favorite style of working. This week I wrote about God's wrath in Amos, mission in a pluralistic society, the Augsburg Confession, feminist understandings of sin, and I wrote and preached my first sermon for preaching class. All of the assignments went well, although my favorites were definitely the paper about sin and the sermon about a text I really didn't want to preach on. 

It turns out sin is really interesting when you think about it, and a lot of people have given it some thought. My understanding it better makes my confessions every week so much more meaningful, and I am actually able to find grace a lot easier. My sermon was on Acts 15:12-21, which, paraphrased, says Paul and Barnabas told the Jewish Church that God was acting among the Gentiles. The Jewish Church was confused. The Jewish Church decided the Gentiles could be part of the Church without circumcision. I had a hard time finding the grace of God in that text, but it finally came out. I may be able to get the video of the sermon soon, if anyone would like to see it. I thought it went pretty well, if I do say so myself. 

Now that midterms are over, it is time for my fall break. The best part of this is a five day vacation in Oklahoma City, spending some time with Silas. Our anniversary is next weekend, and I'm excited about being with him for it. I'm also excited about not having any schoolwork to do over the five days. 

But first, I have to get through tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon is my Endorsement Interview, which is the next step in the candidacy process. Most of my classmates went through that today, but my turn is tomorrow, when all of my panel can be there. I am quite excited that Cheryl, my candidacy contact, will be flying up to be at the interview in person, and I am looking forward to getting caught up with her. I am not too worried about the interview, and I'm hoping that peace remains. I think the interview will be a good experience, and I'm reasonably certain that I will be approved for endorsement. We'll see tomorrow! 

Tonight I went to the church council meeting at All Saints as part of my MIC this year. It's really great to go to these, as I begin to see how a church runs itself, even if that does mean listening to a half-hour conversation about heating systems. I'm still really enjoying my time here and everything I'm learning through school and through All Saints. I can hardly wait to see what the second half of the semester brings. But first, I'm going on vacation.

Many Worships

This semester is certainly keeping me busy!  A lot has happened since I last wrote, which is why this blog is so late.

Two weekends ago I drove down to Nashville to meet my parents and trade cars with them. I was glad to have my car back after a month, and the drive was actually fairly pleasant. I listened to a book on tape while I was driving, and I enjoyed seeing the trees which were turning for fall. My parents had a longer drive, and I know doing it two days in a row was rough, so I am very grateful to them for meeting with me there.

My classes this semester are still going fantastically, and it's funny that they are not my biggest concern most of the time. Part of that is probably because I really enjoy them, so I'm comfortable with the time I do spend on them, and the other part is that I simply have so many other things going on. In preaching class, I'll be giving my first sermon in just over a week, and I'm looking forward to it, despite the fact that I'm struggling with the text. Here's praying that the Holy Spirit will make an intervention in time. (from my discussions with other preachers, this is a frequent prayer)

Aside from my schoolwork, my biggest commitment continues to be my job as sacristan. I love nearly every minute of it, and I think I'm learning a lot in the job. Last week was Trinity Days, which meant a lot of work for a beautiful worship service. I may have sent nearly 100 emails on Monday alone. I finished my twelve yard long banners in time, and they added beautifully to Gloria Dei. We had a lovely eucharist service on Wednesday put on by Bexley Hall, which made me think back to my times at Saint Andrews in college. I was a crucifer and lector for that service, and I was honored to be asked to help lead. Thursday we had a service that included a fire bowl - my first experience with that - and it turned out wonderfully. It always makes me happy as a sacristan when I plan and plan and then the opening song begins and everyone walks out in the procession, and then I cannot do anything more. When it all goes well, as it always does, I am proud to have been a part of that work.

After the busy-ness of the Trinity days worship, I was able to just enjoy the rest of it. We had a lecture about Pentecostalism for our main lecture, and it was really interesting to consider a tradition so different from ours and see what there may be to learn from that. I also went to the student/alumni football game and got some knitting done. Thursday evening, I was invited by my friend Mechelle to participate in the rituals of Rosh Hashana which was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. Altogether, I got to experience a lot of faith over the weekend!

On Sunday, I was finally able to sit down with Bonnie, my MIC supervisor, over lunch and plan out my year at All Saints. I will preach several times, teach sixth grade confirmation, attend church council meetings, continue to assist at worship, and begin a pastoral care relationship with one of the congregants there. I am looking forward to all of this, although I am also a little nervous. I hope that I will continue to be able to grow in my abilities as a pastor during this year here.

This week, I'm feeling pretty well on my feet, and I'm looking forward to next week as an ease in my time as sacristan, since it will be Bexley Hall's worship week the whole week. And then the week after that is fall break, which is hard to imagine! That will be an especially good week, as I will be having my endorsement interview on Tuesday, and then on Wednesday I will be heading to Oklahoma to spend some time with Silas, including celebrating our third-year anniversary! I cannot wait for that.

It's a busy semester, but it is full of good things, and I am looking forward to the rest of it! I'll write here again soon.

Fourth Week Already

So here I am halfway through my fourth week of this semester of seminary, and I am surprised that I am already here. It's going exceptionally well, but I think this year is going to go by fast.

I love all of my classes this semester, preaching and systematic theology probably the most. Preaching is great because it's a class that involves practice rather than just theory, which is one of the things I love in ministry. Systematic theology is fantastic, because it is exciting to finally be learning the ins and outs of faith and beginning to be able to develop and argue theological points so that I know my faith better than before. I'm already planning on taking at least one and maybe two more systematic classes in upcoming semesters, and I can hardly wait for any of them.

I am also thoroughly enjoying my job as sacristan. Sometimes it means responding to emails about the next days service at 11:00 at night, but it is a very rewarding job, since I love being part of worship in this way. Right now I am working on sewing several red banners for the sanctuary during our big Trinity Days service next week, and I am so happy that two things I love, sewing and worship, get to come together. And George and I are learning to get along okay when I'm sewing so he won't try to attack the projects.

Silas was in town a little over a week ago, and it was wonderful to have him back up here (he hadn't been since February!). We made gumbo for friends, watched old episodes of Doctor Who, and went down to Cincinnati to visit Hofbrauhaus and watch the Cardinals beat the Reds. I love those weekends, even if they do get me a little off my homework schedule, and I am basically caught up now.

My next really big event is my endorsement panel, which is coming right up. I'm scheduling it now, and I am hoping that my nerves won't hike up too much leading up to it. I had a great conversation with my candidacy coordinator this past summer, so I am trying to look at it with excitement, rather than trepidation.

Now that I am almost a month into the semester, I am beginning to feel settled. Worship is almost going at a regular pace, which I think may be all I can expect with that, I'm figuring out how much work my classes will take, and I might even eventually find time for crafting and whatnot. For now, I'm about to head off to my Lutheran Confessions class, but I imagine my blogs will become more regular now that I am more settled. Goodbye for now!

CPE and Poetry

Today has been my first day this whole summer that I have had entirely to myself. I have been filling my days with work, with time with my family and friends, and with visits with Silas. All good, but it is certainly nice to have a day like this.

This morning I slept in, I cuddled with my cat, I sewed, I read, and I watched tv. It was wonderful. I thought it would also be a good time to write a new blog post.

CPE has been going fast and furious, and now I only have three weeks left. CPE has been a very interesting experience. It has been more challenging than I expected in some ways and it has been easier than I expected in some ways. I have found that I truly love doing ministry. I love being called to visit with people in need and being able to share the grace of God with them in some small way. I have had meaningful visits conducted entirely in Spanish and despite the language barrier between myself and my patients, God has been fully present. I have hugged perfect strangers, prayed without words for ten minute spans, and worn so much personal protective equipment that I'm getting used to being wrapped in plastic and latex.

I am assigned to three units, one of which is an isolation unit. That means that for many of my visits I have to put on a yellow plastic gown with full sleeves and light blue gloves (that color combination will always represent Parkland to me now). On other visits I have to wear a "fit mask" which I was tested for before I began work. It keeps out something like 98% of all the stuff in the air, so I probably won't get sick from that. One of my units is one of Parkland's five ICUs, and I and a resident chaplain attempt to visit each of those patients every day. It is really wonderful to watch how people get better on the unit, and it is tragic to watch when they don't.

I have been present at the death of a young girl because she ran into a horse with a car, and helped her family begin to grieve and offer life to others through her organ donations. I have attempted to help a woman make a decision to give her mother a peaceful death and been frustrated in the process. I have visited with a woman who felt incredibly lonely despite being surrounded by signs of love as she healed from being run over by a truck. I have touched a woman who just lost a baby she didn't know she had. I have seen God this summer in the eyes of hundreds of people.

One thing that surprised me this summer is that I love being on call. I love being called, even to the most difficult situations. When I am on call with a resident I hold on to the house pager, and feel at peace as I find myself all over Parkland. The other thing that surprises me is how difficult I find cold calls. When I just make a list of people I need to visit and then wander into their rooms asking if they want a visit from the chaplain (me) I find myself exhausted. However, this is something I do four days a week. I am only on-call once a week. So I practice. And keep practicing. We'll see what happens during the next couple of weeks.

I have loved working at Parkland, though. I love the department there and most all of the people I work with. One of the staff chaplains is the mother of a girl I knew when I was in elementary school and who Mom knows well, and we laughed over the fact that she knew me when I was eight and now we're working together. I've loved having the chance to encounter other theologies and better articulate my own and I have loved the chance to grow closer to God.

Silas and I have found ways to spend most of our weekends together, despite differing schedules, and it has been wonderful to be able to see him so often. We have already made plans for next year to not have to go so long without seeing each other as we did this past semester.

I have been getting ready for the new semester as well. My book list is out, and my mom and I have made plans to get me and George back to Ohio. I'll finish CPE, and then have one week to get back and settled before classes start again. It's a quick turn-around. I'm looking forward to next semester, though. I think my classes will be great and I am really looking forward to being one of the sacristans. I'm looking forward to being back into the routine I'm used to, even though I'm finally getting used to the routine of CPE.

Tomorrow I'm on call again, followed by two more weeks of work with two more on call shifts, and one week of mostly finishing things up. I can't believe it's all going so fast. Yesterday was a day of poetry for my CPE class as well as the class at UT Southwestern, who we do classes with, and it was an absolutely fantastic day. We were taught about poetry as medicine and I wrote two poems during the day. I was surprised at what came out of me, but it was wonderful to put some of my experience into the words of poetry. Tonight I'm going to sew a bit more, and tomorrow after work I'm heading up to Oklahoma City, and then to Tulsa for my grandma's birthday. It should be a good weekend.

These are the poems I wrote:

Cold Calls

Nobody likes feet, right?

Here we cover them with yellow socks.

Here I must wear closed-toed shoes

(there is a code, after all).

Here it might be unsafe for bare feet

to touch the ground.

I hate shoes.

I hate my closed-toed shoes

And your yellow socks, a sign of sickness.

I want to feel connected.

I want my bare feet and yours

to be on the earth.

I want to tread carefully in your room,

Feel firmly placed where I am.

But I don’t know how in these shoes,

looking at your yellow socks.

Can you help me?

Can I listen here,

firmly planted on the ground,

next to you?

Can I step out of my closed-toed shoes,

tread near with my bare feet,

and slip into your yellow socks?

To God

Hello again, it’s me, here I am,

I am busy, tired, happy … hungry,

I am going on a visit.

You know,

I don’t always believe you.

But it’s not just you.

I don’t always believe anyone who says

“I love you”

Instead I ask:

“What did I do to deserve this?”

But

I love fully and firmly.

And I know that won’t change.

Will you?

I am surrounded by goodness;

by signs and words of love.

Sometimes I feel alone when I’m surrounded.

Am I hiding successfully?

Or am I just hiding from myself?

Maybe I will believe you today.

Maybe I will believe everybody.

Maybe she will to.

            Amen

Beginning of the Summer

I have had a busy beginning of the summer, with a couple of bumps in the road and a few nice surprises.

My mom came up to Columbus after I finished my classes, and we had a good time while I helped sacristan for the commencement worship. It was great to go to commencement, since I had several friends who were graduating, and altogether Saturday was a lovely day. Then my mom and I packed up and got ready for a long drive on Sunday.

Sunday morning we were packing up and taking things to my car, and George noticed and wanted to make sure he would not be left behind. He ran out the door and down a flight of stairs. He may have regretted that wish later, but he was actually a wonderful traveler. He sat quietly in his crate all day, and enjoyed exploring the pet friendly hotel room we stayed in for the night. The next morning he was a little less excited about getting into his crate, knowing what would come next, but he never uttered a peep, and the drive home was easy enough. It was nice to be able to share the driving with my Mom, and we had a great time.

Once I was home, I went and got poked and prodded to ensure my health to work at Parkland. I did my first drug screening and got fitted for a face mask, in case I need one, which was rather entertaining. Good news, I don't have TB. I also don't have a Hepatitis B immunity, despite having the vaccine, so I get to get it again! Yay! Unfortunately, I got all of this testing done too late to start on my official first day of CPE, so instead I got an extra week off. This was a bit annoying, but I chose to take the opportunity to go to Tulsa with my mom and see my Grandma and help go through the house we're getting ready to sell.

We decided to take George with us to Tulsa, and he was once again a good traveler. It was nice to have him around so we could take George Breaks from clearing out the house and petting a cat is the best kind of break. Going through the house was hard work, but it was interesting. I went through all of my Grandpa's theological books, and took basically all of them. It makes me happy that a large chunk of my early theological library comes from him, and my Grandma said he would be so pleased I had them. I also took boatloads of thread from my Grandma's sewing stash, and I won't have to buy colored thread for years. I love that I'll have some of her things, including beautiful fabric bought in China, to work with and create out of. I like that she and I have that in common. Altogether, it was a busy, but worthwhile week, and a good way to spend my accidental week off.

We came home on Thursday, so that I could jump on a plane to Orlando the next morning. I went to Orlando to attend Silas' sister's wedding. It was the first time I saw Silas since early this Feburary, so I was thoroughly excited about the trip. I had a bit of a confusing time getting out of the Orlando airport, but I made it. Silas and I, as well as his family, had a good but full weekend. We had a large rehersal dinner the night I got in, full of people I didn't know. They were all nice, though, and it was an enjoyable evening. The day of the Wedding, Silas and I went out on a trip to pick up the flowers, which was some nice time together, and then the wedding was in a garden in the afternoon. It was quite hot, and I did not envy the men in suits, but the wedding was beautiful. The reception was also lovely, and there were a couple of songs Silas and I could dance to. After the whirlwind two days, we got up the next morning and Silas' parents took me to one airport and Silas to another to head to our respective homes. It was a great visit, but I'll be heading to Oklahoma City for a less rushed visit as soon as I can.

Finally today, I began my summer of CPE. Today was just general orientation, so it was actually a bit boring, but there was another student who had to start late, so we sat together and got to know each other, and we had lunch with the whole group and Leo, our supervisor. My CPE class is made up of five women, and I am the youngest one. We got along together well at lunch, and I think it'll be a good group to work with over the summer. I'm especially looking forward to tomorrow, when I'll find out more about what I'm going to be doing specifically.

Tonight I made sure to take care of myself by taking myself to a yoga class at the studio I have a membership at for the summer. It was wonderful, and I have a feeling I'll really appreciate those as I get more into the fullness of CPE. It's nice to have a studio to practice at so I actually do it, and so I have good teachers to correct my form.

After some interesting trips, my summer is finally really starting, and I think it will be wonderful and full of learning. I'll probably be more sporadic here than I am in the school year, but I'll keep writing when I can.

The Middle of February Already?

So this past week and a half has seriously thrown me for a loop, and I'm just now starting to get myself re-settled.

Silas came in as expected, and after learning what it truly means to dig your car out of a parking spot, I picked him up at the airport. We had a fantastic weekend, celebrating Valentines day a week early and running around Columbus. We went to a distillery and an art museum, which were both fantastic.

Unfortunately, that same weekend, I was getting news from my mom that my grandfather was not doing well at all. On Sunday I was sitting with Silas and I got the phone call from my mom saying that he was in heaven. It was very sad, and I was very glad I had someone with me at the time to hug. After I sent Silas back to Oklahoma on Monday, I had to immediately start getting ready to get myself to Oklahoma on Tuesday.

I flew out Tuesday, spending all my time reading and trying to keep up with my schoolwork, since I was basically going to miss an entire week of school, and made it to Tulsa with no issues. It was wonderful to be with all my family, despite the sad occasion. I was asked to speak at Grandpa's funeral, and I felt quite honored to be able to share some memories with all those who came to honor my Grandpa. Silas was able to come up Wednesday evening and spend some time with my family too, which was wonderful.

Thursday I spent most of the day heading back, and then I spent the weekend getting myself and my schedule sorted out and dealing with my new cold. I'm feeling pretty well caught up and settled in, but we'll see how tomorrow goes (Tuesdays are my marathon days where I have class literally all day). I am truly enjoying all my classes so far, but there are a couple that I haven't been to and will get a feel for tomorrow. The reading level this semester is bordering on ridiculous, so I'm working on my speed reading as well as my triaging. Grad school will keep me busy, but I'm learning fantastic stuff, that I hope to keep using the rest of my life.

That's about all I have going on at the moment, but that's probably enough, right? My birthday is coming up, and I think I'll be hanging out with a couple of friends to celebrate my 23rd. It should be lovely. I can't believe how far I am into the month already - I've been off on my time all this past week. Hopefully a relatively normal week will get me re-sorted.

Rather than snowing, today we got ice here, so we'll see how walking to school goes tomorrow. I hope the weather is better wherever you are.

Peace,
Kathryn

Snow Day

My long vacation was supposed to end today, so I got all ready to start the day with morning prayer at 7:30 and just before I left my apartment I discovered an email saying that campus was closed due to some pretty impressive snow we got last night. So, one more day of vacation, and a very productive one at that.

I have been spending my last few days getting my apartment organized and my school things in order to get ready for the semester. I've sorted through all my craft projects - I have more than I thought - and gotten them into a system in which I can actually find what I have going and maybe finish some of my projects. I bought yarn and fabric in the past month, and I won't let myself buy anymore until I get a few things done. One thing I started this week is a shawl that can be worn many different ways, and it's going quickly, so I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes.

This Sunday I went to All Saints, my MIC site for all three services and I was introduced to the whole church as their new MIC student. It was quite a morning - I met a bunch of people, and mingled between services. By the time I got home, I was rather tired. I opted to only stay at the seminary Superbowl party for a bit, and then I came home and watched the rest of it with Silas on my computer and some knitting on my lap.

I was actually a tad bit disappointed in the snow day today, just because I am looking forward to getting started with my classes this semester. I spent a fair bit of time this morning putting my assignments for three of my classes into my calendar, which is one of my favorite beginning of the semester tasks.

Tomorrow though, after my morning classes, I should be picking Silas up at the airport for a visit here. I'm really looking forward to seeing him again, and that is why I'm writing this blog on a Wednesday. We'll be celebrating Valentines Day and my birthday this weekend.

Next week I'll start my classes in earnest, and I am looking forward to what this semester will bring. I'm moving into more interesting classes and I think I'll enjoy the semester. Then we'll just have to see how George deals with my being gone more often - he tends to demand immediate cuddles when I've been out of the apartment for a bit. That will be a nice thing to come home to.

Hoping everyone is staying warm!

Catching Up

I am attempting to write this blog with a cat sound asleep on my lap. It makes things tricky.

So I finished my J-term class and came back to Ohio, and I was glad to be able to sleep in my own bed. And to unpack and not live out of suitcases anymore. I've spent the whole last week living wihtout a schedule and getting set up for a new semester of seminary.

On Thursday I finally went through with a plan I had had for quite awhile to adopt a cat. My friend Sarah and I went to a shelter together, and all the cats were out and about in thier various rooms. The woman working at the shelter showed me several cats who were cuddly, which is what I asked for, and then left us to meet several cats and decide who I wanted to take home. I picked up one, named George, and he immediately hugged me and started nuzzling my face. I picked up a few other cats who were all quite nice, but I kept coming back to George. I'm pretty sure he picked me out. I brought him home, and we have had a great time getting to know eachother and getting settled into living together. I'm very happy to have a cat in my life again.

The rest of my time has mainly been spent cooking, cleaning, crafting, and catching up with friends I haven't seen in awhile. I'm trying to get my apartment into good shape before I start school, so that I can keep it nice while I'm busy with classes. I'm also working on several crafting projects and I may have three new skirts in short order.

I've got another week off, which I'm going to use to keep working on my projects and to get my ministry in context set up, and then I start classes. I'm really looking forward to this semester, I think some of the classes will be more interesting than last semester were. I've bought all my books and I'm already looking forward to reading most of them.

Silas is also coming in right after classes start, which will be a wonderful way to begin my semester. I'll start writing here more regularly then too. I really have issues getting things done when I'm schedule-less - I've barely been on my computer this week.

Hoping everyone reading this is staying warm.

Kathryn

P.S. This is George